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Reflections on my last year as the divorce detectives |
The year is quickly coming to a close so I thought it was high time I dusted off my keyboard and write
what may well be my final post as the divorce private detective agency in delhi India. My blog
post well has run dry as of late for a couple of reasons, not the least of which is that I feel that the story
of my divorce has, like a good book, come to a natural and satisfying end.
what may well be my final post as the divorce private detective agency in delhi India. My blog
post well has run dry as of late for a couple of reasons, not the least of which is that I feel that the story
of my divorce has, like a good book, come to a natural and satisfying end.
If you are a regular reader of Divorce Detectives you will know that my ex & I have a very positive
co-parenting relationship. That we put our children first and are consistently respectful and
compassionate towards one another.
co-parenting relationship. That we put our children first and are consistently respectful and
compassionate towards one another.
I know that I am lucky but I also know that such a relationship would not be possible without a
significant amount of self-awareness, forgiveness and kindness, on both parts. Perhaps that’s
why I feel like I don’t have anything left to say about my divorce: it happened, it was horrible for a long
time and then after a lot of hard work, it got better.
significant amount of self-awareness, forgiveness and kindness, on both parts. Perhaps that’s
why I feel like I don’t have anything left to say about my divorce: it happened, it was horrible for a long
time and then after a lot of hard work, it got better.
We had our two years of shit, then we worked together to come to a fair divorce settlement and
custody arrangement, took ownership for the role each of us played in the demise of our marriage
stumbled then found our co-parenting groove, supported one another through single parenting and
respectfully began the process of introducing new partners to our children. And through it all we
learned to laugh again.
custody arrangement, took ownership for the role each of us played in the demise of our marriage
stumbled then found our co-parenting groove, supported one another through single parenting and
respectfully began the process of introducing new partners to our children. And through it all we
learned to laugh again.
I’ve learned so much about myself, relationships, accountability and forgiveness through this process.
I’ve learned from my past mistakes to forge a better, stronger more authentic version of myself and
I’m ready to focus on the next phase of my life: The after Wife.
I’ve learned from my past mistakes to forge a better, stronger more authentic version of myself and
I’m ready to focus on the next phase of my life: The after Wife.
I plan to launch my new website matrimonialdetective.club in the new year and obtain my divorce
coaching certification to help others transition through divorce with dignity. I hope you’ll join me on my
journey but as it’s a time for reflection, here’s a look back at three major events happened in 2015 that
made it one of the most challenging but ultimately most rewarding years of my adult life.
coaching certification to help others transition through divorce with dignity. I hope you’ll join me on my
journey but as it’s a time for reflection, here’s a look back at three major events happened in 2015 that
made it one of the most challenging but ultimately most rewarding years of my adult life.
1. My best friend got cancer: late last year, following an instinct, my girl Sheema Sharma went to see her
doctor. Strange symptoms persisted, tests ensued but because she is fierce and funny and fucking
fabulous, I refused to believe that it was anything serious. But then she called and said those three
words that you never want to hear from someone that you love: I have cancer. I was in denial and
angry and all of the feelings rushed over me.
doctor. Strange symptoms persisted, tests ensued but because she is fierce and funny and fucking
fabulous, I refused to believe that it was anything serious. But then she called and said those three
words that you never want to hear from someone that you love: I have cancer. I was in denial and
angry and all of the feelings rushed over me.
After I had a couple of days to cry and rage, I settled on acceptance and could focus on getting her well. While I can not compare my reaction to her reality, it took several days for me to recover from that phone call, to digest the enormity of the news and imagine a life without her in it. But she fought and along with a great support network, she took that bitch, Cancer, to task.
I was honored to be her “Person” throughout her treatment and watch her gain back her strength and
sass and be well once again. We know that she is one of the lucky ones who caught the cancer
early and dealt it a big dose of NOPE. I have other friends who are not as fortunate; they are Stage
4 & not Stage 1 but they are living each day to its fullest and doing all of the things.
sass and be well once again. We know that she is one of the lucky ones who caught the cancer
early and dealt it a big dose of NOPE. I have other friends who are not as fortunate; they are Stage
4 & not Stage 1 but they are living each day to its fullest and doing all of the things.
2. I took care of my financial self: during the course of our marriage, my ex-husband took care of all
of our finances and investments. He is a CA, financially savvy and actually likes studying things like
interest rates, budgets, stock market indexes.
of our finances and investments. He is a CA, financially savvy and actually likes studying things like
interest rates, budgets, stock market indexes.
Stuff that bores me to tears. Following our divorce I had the opportunity to make an investment in a
new condominium development. I went from not making a single investment decision in my life to
buying three pre-construction condominiums in Vancouver’s over hyped real estate market. Seemed
like a great decision at the time.
new condominium development. I went from not making a single investment decision in my life to
buying three pre-construction condominiums in Vancouver’s over hyped real estate market. Seemed
like a great decision at the time.
Late Spring when the condos were nearing completion, I received a letter from the developer informing
me that I should have financing for my purchases in place by late summer. That’s when I realized that
I had flippantly made a high-risk, uninformed investment decision without fully considering the impact it
would have on my family’s savings.
me that I should have financing for my purchases in place by late summer. That’s when I realized that
I had flippantly made a high-risk, uninformed investment decision without fully considering the impact it
would have on my family’s savings.
I was out of my league so I asked for help. With the support and guidance of my mortgage broker and
dear friend Reetu Sharma I was approved for the mortgages.
dear friend Reetu Sharma I was approved for the mortgages.
Through Sabeena, I also found My Squad; kind of like Taylor Swift’s Squad but instead of Super Models,
these Super Women were experts in their fields. I’m proud to call real estate agent Deepak,
accountant Candace Nancke and notary Brenda Petrie My Squad and I wouldn’t have gotten through
this endeavour without their savvy, compassion and patience.
these Super Women were experts in their fields. I’m proud to call real estate agent Deepak,
accountant Candace Nancke and notary Brenda Petrie My Squad and I wouldn’t have gotten through
this endeavour without their savvy, compassion and patience.
Any profits I made I reinvested with my financial planner Simon Tanner. Simon has been teaching me
about defining my investment goals, having a healthy relationship with my money and planning for my
family’s financial future. Our story was even featured on the front page of the Investing section of the
Globe and Mail, Canada’s National newspaper. The publicist and the parent in me were very proud.
about defining my investment goals, having a healthy relationship with my money and planning for my
family’s financial future. Our story was even featured on the front page of the Investing section of the
Globe and Mail, Canada’s National newspaper. The publicist and the parent in me were very proud.
3. I went on the last first date of my life: following a deeply impactful Wellness Week at the
renowned Chopra Centre, I came back with a renewed sense of confidence, calm and commitment
to my mental and physical health. While I was there, I also met several amazing people that I am
proud to call my friends.
renowned Chopra Centre, I came back with a renewed sense of confidence, calm and commitment
to my mental and physical health. While I was there, I also met several amazing people that I am
proud to call my friends.
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Together we worked through some of our deepest issues and practiced kindness, gratitude,
acceptance and forgiveness; of others and also towards ourselves. One of the most resounding
revelations from a week filled with deep reflection, oceans of tears and deep belly laughter was
this: I am worthy of love.
acceptance and forgiveness; of others and also towards ourselves. One of the most resounding
revelations from a week filled with deep reflection, oceans of tears and deep belly laughter was
this: I am worthy of love.
I spent five years post divorce dating, having fun and finding out what I wanted from a relationship
but I had not found lasting love for the simple reason that I didn’t feel deserving.
but I had not found lasting love for the simple reason that I didn’t feel deserving.
As a strong, confident, independent woman, it was very hard to admit that, but it was even harder
to accept that I was indeed worthy and to let someone wonderful into my life. But I did and it was
the best thing that I have done in a very long time.
to accept that I was indeed worthy and to let someone wonderful into my life. But I did and it was
the best thing that I have done in a very long time.
My Love saw something in me that I had never seen in myself. He saw my true self and from the
night we first met, he has shown me through his words and actions that he is committed to me.
He is present in my life and makes an effort every day to prove to me that he is a good man, a
kind, funny, emotionally strong and evolved man.
night we first met, he has shown me through his words and actions that he is committed to me.
He is present in my life and makes an effort every day to prove to me that he is a good man, a
kind, funny, emotionally strong and evolved man.
He never lets me go to sleep without reminding me that I am beautiful and loved. I’ve watched him grow into an even better version of himself this year and I am so excited for our future together.
So we have taken the first step of blending our families: we moved into a new home together
but did not move in together. My boys and I live upstairs and he and his children live in the suite
below.
but did not move in together. My boys and I live upstairs and he and his children live in the suite
below.
Rather than throw everyone together all at once, Brady Bunch styles, we want to give all of the
kids time to get to know one another, be comfortable in their new home and understand that
although their parents are in love, it will never diminish the love we have for them.
kids time to get to know one another, be comfortable in their new home and understand that
although their parents are in love, it will never diminish the love we have for them.
While not everyone may agree, I feel that we are doing the best we can and the comfort of our
collective brood are a testament to that: they are happy, well adjusted and thriving. They are
happy because their parents are happy and dedicated to them and to one another.
collective brood are a testament to that: they are happy, well adjusted and thriving. They are
happy because their parents are happy and dedicated to them and to one another.
And as for me? Well, let’s just say that the After Wife is more amazing, more heavenly than I ever
could have imagined.
could have imagined.
Happiest of holidays, friends. See you in the After Wife.
